I am jealous when I am sitting inside a public transportation or walking in a park because I’ve seen couples around holding hands and listening to each other. This leads me to my wishes:
I wish I have known you already.
I wish we are at the park having long stupid and funny conversations.
I really wish that when life punch me so hard, you would be there to me to listen and motivate me and say, “You can do that, I believe in you”
I wish you would be there to listen to all of my dreams and say “You can achieve it”
I wish you can hold my hand when I am really depress due to failure
And I really wish the day that we are imagining or planning our future together.
Yes I am not imagining a perfect relationship with you: we will be having cute fights and arguments and not little, but many. I am imagining you picking a little fight with me where to eat during a date or what kind of shirts that I should wear because you know that I am not good at fashion or maybe complaining how dirty is the house but despite of that, I know, you are the woman that I love and I will treat you like a queen for the rest of your life even if it involves cleaning, cooking, washing or even ironing your best clothes before you go to work.
But as I learned the way of love, it’s not all about feelings: which is after it is gone, everything is gone but it’s more about commitment.
It’s how I meant the word sorry.
It’s how I love you when everything is down.
It’s how I love you when I had seen your weakness.
It’s how I love you when I had known your deepest and darkest secrets.
It’s how I love you when my body and mind don’t want to.
And it’s how I love you when you are naked: emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Then I remembered I am not ready; I am not ready for you. I may be ready emotionally and spiritually but physically, no? I don’t have a house to have you; I don’t even have an insurance and health cards to take care of you; I don’t even have the degrees to be proud of and most importantly, I don’t even have the cash to date you.
Yes, money and all mundane things is not important but at the end of the day, emotional and spiritual support is not enough, I must provide the inside out for our marriage to succeed.
I may had already met you in these present times or I will meet you in the future but for now, the word, priorities will always be stuck in my mind not because I don’t want to meet you these days but because I am building the best future that I can provide for you: weekly dates with our kids, weekly dates with you, having vacations with you at the best places in the world and holding your hands saying I love you from the inside out.
You may be reading this letter and I just want to say this from the bottom of my heart, I love you and whoever you are, you are the most perfect woman that I will serve;
It will be an honor to cook for you
It will be an honor to shop for you
It will be an honor to massage you after you work
It will be an honor to take care of you when you are sick
It will be an honor to have you as my wife and the mother of our future kids and
It will be an honor to hold your hands and say the words “I love you” every day of my life.
Every day and nights of our life, I will always treat you as my Queen.