Grateful for being a “Torpe” (Sheepish)


I’m shy, paranoid, whatever word you want to use. I hate fame. I’ve done everything I can to avoid it.

— Johnny Depp

Dark Ages

I had related to the film “Inside Out” in which in the boy in the last part of the film bumped to Riley and inside his head, all of his thoughts are in panic and everything was all shut. He cannot utter a word neither a single move from where he bumped unto Riley.

Yes, that’s the exact picture I am used to be, actually its worse than that. During my grade school years, I am stalking my “crushes” in their house (what the heck I am doing?). I remember the days that I cannot even stare unto their eyes and if there is a situation that our eyes met, I will be the first one to look away. Furthermore, I usually act just like a dork trying to win the interest of the person that I like. I usually ask her how is she or has she already eats her lunch and many more but the worst is waiting for a person that unknowingly, will come. I am really creepy; not just an admirer but a real stalker (good thing Facebook is not yet booming that time) All of my actions are based from these women and not because I like doing these things. I seek approval; I seek their interest because if I win their interest, I will have my interest towards them.  These behaviors continued until college days.

All of my relationships are not based from what I really like. We only became a couple because she wants me and I just infatuated. I am not basing my decision from what I really prefer as a person. During my junior high school, approval-addiction becomes my regular craving and because none of the women around me likes me, pornography becomes the bridge between my addiction and me. I’ve seen porn as the one that will always accept me.


During the times that I am tired of losing and I am tired of being busted by women, I tried to rely to the power of science and art. I’ve read too much art of seductions and picking up women. I’ve also read many books about communication and how to boost one man’s confidence.

But here is the thing, I am grateful that I’ve personally come to that situation and read those books because majority of the information that I have today is from that books.

Through those books, I become more confident in me and I am not feeling the shy all of the time anymore. That’s why when there is reporting during my classes, the level of my nervousness is leveled down and during presentations, I am getting used to speaking in front of many people.

I also learned on how to communicate effectively in different people in a way of adapting based on their needs. I tend to listen more and understand what are their personal insights and valuing them.

I am just thinking that if I not become sheepish, will I still value the power of self-help books? I stumbled on many different books and I think I got one of the many best books in the world that will inspire a person. Because of grasping information, the habits of reading becomes my life and I can stand to a computer just to read a book that is my interest.

Modern Age

Synthesizing all the information that I read through many books, I have to re-learn the value of women: they are not things, they are people, Honestly communicating my feelings to the person that I like, Valuing more and loving more myself, monitoring the things that I am thinking, liking women based on their behavior and not just only on their physical characteristics, and most importantly loving God.

I will not be the person who is confident, striving for excellence, and honest without that situation. Positively, I am grateful that I am once a torpe. You might be asking, “are you still nervous when liking a woman?” Yes, I am still but I am not the boy who have strangled thoughts because of women, I can manage it even if my jokes are corny. 🙂

Friends, let this be the start of learning from the situation!



About Carlo Gualvez

Librarian, Motivational Speaker, Author, Writer, Blogger I pursued this blog in order to touch lives and inspire others. For all the people reading this, you are free to ask questions and hopefully by the grace of God, I can answer it.
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