Title: Models: Attracting Women through Honesty
Author: Mark Manson
Copyright Year: 2011
4.5 out of 5 stars: Game Changer!!
An attractive man is not needy. An unattractive man is needy. And neediness can infiltrate any and all behaviors.
— Mark Manson, Models
This book is a must-have for all the men out there! This is not another how-to-do books that will just teach on how to teach women to pick-up but it’s more on the idea of why we are not having the relationship that we really like. It teaches principles that we think long time ago as irrelevant and redundant. Mark Manson rediscovers these ideas and made them applied to true-to-life.
It is empowering because of the idea that we must not post any thinking of what other people thinks about us, as long as we love what we are doing. I came to understand why being “true-to-yourself” and “being who you are” are the most helpful advice when advising in terms of dating which means building and presenting yourself in your way is more effective rather than relying on the how-tos.
I also admire in which he presented the idea of rejection in which he stated rejection will always happen and we cannot avoid them, we can only change on how we perceive these. He gave an insight that these are gifts in which at least we already know that they didn’t like us and there are still millions of women around the world.
However even if the ideas are empowering for every men, there are still weaknesses in this book that we must address. I think that men must establish his values for himself before reading this book because not-minding what other says about you almost all the time is unacceptable because we are avoiding the idea of constructive criticism which are very critical in designing your strategies in creating a successful life.
Furthermore, brace yourself for a very sexist first part. I perceive this part as the most discouraging part of the book because of the radical foundations presented. Men, women are not tools they are also people who needs love. If sex to us is just arousal, for women, they are the act of giving love. Be a man enough to protect women!
From the book itself, I learned many things in which I think a game-changer in terms of selecting women, who will I date, and how will I carry and take care of myself during dating! I think men who are reading this review will somehow be inspired in carrying themselves.
- You matter!
You read many times in this blog that you matter. I have learned from the book that we must know to ourselves that we really matter as a person. We value our belief system, our needs; our emotion and we are respecting ourselves which means we are not alternating them for others. In contextualizing in dating, we are not sacrificing our values for other for the sake of making the woman “want” us. We must be very assertive in terms of our belief that we will follow them no matter what will be the instance. Mark Manson coined the term neediness, in which he stated that men who are too approval-addicts tend to alter their belief system for the sake of making women want them.
For instance, I am a hard-working employee in which I work in quality in my job and the person that I am dating is currently calling me and she said; let’s eat lunch now because she said that she is upset. If you are the man what are you going to do? Are you going to leave your work during work shift just to be with her or are you the man that will tell her those maybe during lunch break and just wait for me
That is what I am talking about!
Rather than seeking approval to others, invest more to you! Read books, have a stylish life which is according to your tastes and most importantly, be in self-development program because when you are doing these things, you are more empowering yourself. Don’t be afraid to show your weakness towards them, from your greatest disappointments to how bad breathe you have when you are not having a tooth brush or how unpleasant is the smell of your fart. Don’t be mindful on what this women will think about you, guess what? It’s none of your business! Your job is show that you are in totality of you from your strengths to weaknesses.
What about if the girl I like doesn’t like what I do?
Answer: Move on! They don’t deserve you. As long as your values will be affected in a wrong way, don’t change for them! Find another that will love you based on who you are.
My personal advice to you is only changing your beliefs if you personally filter those words spoken to you in which you promote on changing yourself in a good way.
- Make your intentions to a new perspective
Men who approach women because they want to have the identity of having a beautiful girlfriend are the ones most of the time having a hard time of approaching. Instead of approaching them because of your personal admiration ONLY, you are driven by another type of “neediness”. Most of the time people who are approaching women with this kind of intention always falls ending up begging for his life.
Personally, I experienced this in which I became obsessed on having this kind of woman, which named Melissa. There is an instance in which we had an argument and I texted her for about three full text (Yeah, I know) and she just texted “its okay”. My intention does not like her as a whole person. I just like her because she likes me.
Now, we men must renew this mentality, we must always review our intentions towards the person. If we are just approaching them because of having the trophy of having a girlfriend or just having sex and later on you will not take care of her, we must take the initiative of dismissing the thought of approaching her. On the other hand, if our only intention is to know her more because she seems appealing to us, nothing more, nothing less, now go, socialize and know them.
Intention is what really matters and this is when we determine if that person is worth loving for.
- Sustain in a form of sacrifice
Although, Mark Manson did not give this one in the book, I want to emphasize this one which gives insights to love me more. Now, what is the difference between neediness and sacrifice? It is quite confusing, right? Yeah I struggled with this for a while but here is the essence:
Neediness is the act of men who are too approval-addicts tend to alter their belief system for the sake of making women want them. On the other hand, sacrifice giving up without expecting for return. Neediness depicts more of having reciprocity based on your actions. The person who is needy is expecting something in return: to be approved by other people! Sacrifice, however, is giving without expecting something. The only intention of sacrifice is a person gives up something because other people will benefit from giving up. It’s more focused on common good which is more mutual rather than one way.
So when you will sacrifice? You will only sacrifice if it will be for the good of the other person in a way that you are teaching her.
In a relationship, most of the time, you will sacrifice not just money, time, or other resources but almost all the things because you see that if you give up that very thing, your partner’s life will improve and this is Love. (Mark Manson did not talk any about love to another person) There will be times that things will toughen up; there are times that situations will get hard and both of you will have to make their sacrifices.
To conclude, we must love and build ourselves first and we must learn to communicate with pure honesty towards all the people we know. There will be instance that people will get mad about what you have said, but always mind that truth will set them and also YOU free. As once said, we must not hinder our feelings but it is meant to express. So men, we need to express our feelings with pure honesty not just towards women but also all the people for enhancing our relationships.