Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it
— Bill Cosby
FEAR: the products of worry
In the last years, the fear of rejection is always been my enemy. I always want to be recognized from the things that I do even if the product is average. I always have this mentality that if I am going to risk something, I always have the “what ifs”. What if it’s not good enough, what if it’s not accepted, what if he rejected it, what if she rejected me, and many more what ifs. Worries are always the ones that I entertain before listening to the opportunities in that situation. Guess what? I am always having the disappointments and what makes the matter worst was I let the disappointments penetrate and because these are the things that I done almost all the time, I came up to a belief that I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH and there will be no people who will like me. What is the end result? I even don’t like myself either.
RUN AND DON’T FOLLOW THE MAP
I don’t even attempt to solve my problem; instead I try to be good in other things. Things that I think if I am going to have these set of skills, people will accept me and people will look me as a genius, girls will have crush on me and everything just like the persons who have the set of skills and got accepted from that skill not knowing that “acceptance skill” is a side way towards my goals and dreams. Citing an example is playing a piano. I have friends that are socially accepted because they are really good at playing the piano. My classmates are always cheering for them and many girls have crushes on them. So in able to have that kind of acceptance, I also learn myself on how to play the piano. In thirst of having acceptance by other people and not myself, I learned few things and in the end, I dropped the playing. The reasons that I say to my friend is it’s not my priority! They don’t know that I just do that for acceptance.
P.S. I still do want to play piano but not for the sake of acceptance but because I just want it and for passion purposes.
Carry the burden
Friends, I don’t know about you, I don’t know about your greatest fears or the problems that you are always running from but take it from me, once you relentlessly run from your problems, problems won’t stop chasing you either. Aside from that, it will become part of your belief system that you cannot solve this kind of problem. Face it, not just because it will resolve your problem but because you will have the same courage to face bigger problems and fears.
Problems are made to give us character, values, and principles that someday will help us or help our children and friends if we teach them so don’t expect that problems will stop. Just like in an old saying, life is not a bed of roses but I do believe if you conquer each problem the other side of that pain is joy.
Another point is if you face that problem and pain, you let other people face their own fears too. You become a living miracle to others subconsciously saying to them that “If I can do it, surely you can do it”. You are giving contribution to the society in a way of inspiring them to pursue their dreams and face their fears. For example, have you ever felt the urge to excel because your comrades are also pushing themselves to excel? That is what I am talking about! Come to think of it if you face your fears, you solve your own problems and you let other people face their fears also. It’s a win-win situation nothing is losing.
You as the problem
Have you consider yourself as part of the problem? People in these days are always pointing fingers to other people and sometimes forget that three fingers are pointing towards them. “We didn’t do these things because you did not do those things” or “The government is to blame”.
Friends if you really ready to carry the burdens of your problems and if you really want to change your life, drop the blame game. Accept full responsibility even if they are wrong not because you are saying to them that they are right but because you want to learn from their inputs.
If you are blaming other people, you are giving them the learning insight that are ought to you. I know you don’t want to feel small towards them but if you love yourself, you are letting yourselves to learn from your mistakes. If you feel bad, you will surely ask yourself why you feel bad and you will reassess the situation. Then you will ask yourself, WHAT THINGS DID I REALLY DO TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE SOLUTION AND NOT THE PROBLEM?
Say NO to side tracks
I remember the Warren Buffet way of setting your goals in which you will enlist all the things that you want for all of your life and after you write it, you will choose the top 5 goals. After you chose your top 5 goals, all of the remaining goals are just an excuse to not reach your top 5 goals. In other words, those are your so-called side tracks.
Have you ever found yourself doing things that are inappropriate to your dreams, Inappropriate to your passion or even inappropriate to your feelings? Even if you achieve them, the happiness is temporary because that is not really what you want. You are settling for less!
Friends, let us divert ourselves to the things that really matter to us. The energy of doing “excuse” activities can be used to face our fears and problems. The information gathering that you do in “excuse” activities can be used to search for solutions that really cause your problems.
A winner mindset
Winners win and losers lose. According to Eric Thomas, if you chose to be a victim of your circumstance, you will most likely fail but if you expect to win and hold accountable towards our goals. Let us stop worrying but let us see possibilities and opportunities in every problem.
I have only adapted this mindset. On the past, I really don’t want to fail because people will laugh at me or people will judge me but now I really want to fail because failing is where I learn. Failing is when I reflect, failing is when I see my mistakes and most importantly failing is when I feel rejected which likely results to “THIS IS ENOUGH” Mentality in which I choose to win and work towards my goal. When you have goal mindset, you are not problem-oriented, you are solution oriented.
To conclude, I want you to answer these questions:
- What are your greatest fears and problems?
- What are you doing to solve that problem?
- Are you fully accepting the full responsibility in these problems?
- Have you adapted the winner’s mentality?
Time to get-up and take up your mat!