- Series:The Every Man Series
- Paperback:336 pages
- Publisher:WaterBrook Press; 1 edition (August 18, 2009)
- My rating: 4 stars (Change in perspective)
A great book from the combination of a well-acclaimed author in Christian Marriage, Stephen Arterburn, and a person who learned from the experience, Fred Stoeker that will change your perspective about women, men that will tell you on how to be a real men by facing the battle every man: the battle of lust by including and citing Biblical principles to strengthen our foundations. Guarding our eyes, mind and also our heart are the heart of the message. Included also are the perspective and comments of women regarding the natures of men. Fred and Stephen will also show you the scientific studies of how the system of men works, especially in terms of sexual drives. A must read for the men who wants to win the battle of lust.
Insights and Learning:
From this book, I learned the basic things on how to battle lust in the mind. I hope that you will be fully equipped by sharing my thoughts the message of the book. The following are my message for you as adapted from the core message of Arterburn and Stoeker:
- Bounce the eyes
- Define your mental fence
- Set your passion
Bounce the eyes
There are two things that I learned from the author: one is men tends to satisfy their sexual desires by looking sexy things and the other one is using the biblical principle used by Job which is “I made a covenant with my eyes” whenever I see things that will elevate my sexual desires.
The eyes are the window of the soul. Usually whatever we tend to see usually goes directly into our soul. I am embarrass to admit but I am one of the many men before that whenever beautiful girls came around in the range of my eye, I tend to stick my eye on what my eye can reach, their chest, etc. but since I learned that this is a way of stealing something that doesn’t belong to you, I stopped it. Why I called this stealing? I called this stealing because you are not even married. Remember that wife and husband become one in marriage? So what is the point of seeing things? The female body as well as the male body is exclusively for their partners only. Remember, our Muslim sisters? They use Burka because their body is exclusively for the view of their husbands only.
So when I see parts of the bodies that is not for me, I bounce my eyes and saying “I made a covenant with my eyes”, thinking that I don’t want other men seeing my future wife.
A message for women: You are may be going to argue with me, but I think every woman must be responsible on what they wear. Men are stimulated with their eyes. Even though we are responsible for bouncing off of our eyes, we are requesting you, women, to become the guardians of our eyes. We do not want to become the instrument of our lust. I think there will be still men who will see you as an instrument of lust even if you are responsible on what you wear but still, you did your best to protect our eyes. Our responsibility towards you, women are to guard your hearts and to protect them from hurts but maybe one of the best that you can do is to guard our eyes. (As adapted from Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye)
Define your mental fence
Persons who are in your mental fence are the women that are with your life. They are maybe your wife, best friend’s wife, your ex-wife, ex-girlfriend and other women related. When a woman is trying to enter your mental fence, we, men are responsible for letting them in. When we let them in, we usually think about them a lot. Here is the question, are they really worth thinking? In the book, mental fence are more defined inn married men. It is not good to let other women to enter men’s mental fence. But for single men, I revised it. Are these women that we are thinking about, really worth our energy to think about? I suggest that use the energy of fantasy to a more appropriate channel/priority. Because according to research, much energy is wasted due to fantasizing women. Single men; look at your goals, future plans, and priorities instead of indulging in questionable thoughts. For married men, your wife is perfect; you just didn’t see it because you compare a lot.
It’s not fair for your wife/future wife to be compared from other women. So the question is, where do you get the data for the basis of comparing your wife? It’s from pornography and fantasizing too much. Imagine if you do not indulge yourself in these things, are you still going to compare your wife from other women? No, because you are always thinking, SHE IS PERFECT for me, that comparing phase only happens if you are about to court a woman.
Define you passion
Your wife is your passion, if you are already a married man. But if you have your girlfriend, let me get you straight, your girlfriend is your passion. If you are disagreeing with me, I suggest that you end that relationship because passion is more in the commitment and you are just in that relationship to satisfy your sexual desire. This part is the most hardly to give by men to their women when in a relationship because its giving their pride.
So what makes a woman become your passion? It is when you value their worth and happiness. You boost their confidence whenever they are with you. How to make that woman become your passion? Some of you may disagree with me but reassess before you agree or disagree, she is the master and you become the servant. Whatever makes the master happy really matters to you and you will do anything to make the master happy. You will cook for her, you will wash for her, you will clean the house for her, etc. You are going to sacrifice your happiness for her happiness. Now some of you are saying but wait the bible stated that I am the leader of our home, hey I have a statement for you: a real leader knows how to serve.
Alignment of eyes, the mind and the heart: SHE IS THE GREATEST
Now if the eyes, mind and the heart are only centered to your wife/girlfriend/future wife, there will be no other woman on the whole universe that will be more beautiful to that person.
For single guys like me, I want you to still align your eyes, mind and heart because if the day comes that you will see your wife, I will say that the things that I say above is effortless for you. Instantly, you will see her as the diamond of your life, perfect as is.
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